What It's Like to Date with Strict Indian Parents | Her Campus
I'm Indian and I have been dating a white girl for about months. . I'm also first -gen Indian, son of pretty strict parents who are also very. The thing is, we're keeping this relationship secret from her parents, because she told me that they are super traditional Indian parents, and. My parents worked super hard to make sure I had the best life they could . With the guy I'm dating now, she asked if he was all tanned, since.
Thankfully, I had some kick-ass girlfriends who always had my back when I was trying to live a little. Of course, my parents knew I was up to something parents always know!
Date from the comfort of your home This seems like an odd thing to do, but it's actually a lot more common than you think. With the advancement of technology, you can do more than just call or text someone you have a crush on A friend of mine who is very shy, would often game share with her now boyfriend and play games with him to build the confidence to talk to him in person.
Also great for all the people out there with overprotective parents. Get to know someone on an intimate level without even having to leave your house. Open the conversation with your parents. Sneaking behind your mom and dad's back is the easiest way to date, but it's not always the best.
He's independent and lives on his own. My dad talks about him all the time and how he lost his culture by not marring an Indian girl. He even thinks that he lost culture when he moved out of his mom's house. From this I can see how he'll react IF I tell him about my girlfriend.
It sounds like your parents might be more receptive to meeting a white girlfriend who had some sort of commitment to maintaining parts of your culture in the future, in your home, maybe if you ever have children. Don't hide that she's white. Just put it out there and let it lie. If they have a problem with you dating her, let them be the assholes who come out and say so. And then, if they really do say something unequivocal about it, just go about your business. Your parents don't have to approve of everything you do.
Telling your traditional Indian parents about your intercultural relationship | Madh Mama
If you get to a point with this woman where your parents are ready to meet, and everyone is on board with meeting being a positive thing, go ahead and introduce them. But definitely cross that bridge when you come to it, and when everyone is ready. If you never get that serious with this particular woman, the upside to conducting your life this way is that, the next girl you date, your parents will be ready for it.
It won't have to be a big sneaking around production. Also, re your dad and your cousin -- a lot of people are judgy about situations that have nothing to do with them. I wouldn't take that to mean anything about how he'll behave about your situation. And, again, even if he's against it, so what? Is he going to order you to break up with her? And if he did, would you?
You're a grown adult. Go out if you want to go out. What are they going to do about it? I know how strong the desire to not disappoint your parents can be, especially in the case of immigrants, but disappointed parents are not the end of the world. They should be able to move on. Your parents will have to accept the fact that you are dating ethnically Indian woman or not at some point. Do it gently and with love though; I am guessing they are on the older side and if they are first generation Indians, they probably had to deal with a lot of hard work and cultural shocks and adjustments etc.
I can tell you that its not worth the trouble. Also, if you get to the point where things are pretty steady between you and your girlfriend, you could try to explain her the situation lest she feels weirded out, you know. Grown adults support themselves. The poster sensibly recognises that he lives under their rules while he lives under their roof they're probably also paying for school.
You can judge for yourself how likely a very strong reaction is, but I would not tell them, spend less time with her nights a week seems a lot, don't either of you have jobs or anything? If you don't have a job, get onefinish school and move out, then date whoever you want. Or if this is intolerable, make a plan for supporting yourself sooner, and tell them then. Basically, if you tell them and they forbid you to see her, what are you going to do? If you tell them about her and they say you can't live with them and see her, what are you going to do?
If you tell them and they say they won't pay for your education when you are obviously not taking it seriously but wasting all your time hanging out with some girl, what are you going to do?
My friend is a white girl dating a first generation Indian guy. His parents live on the other side of the country, and he always said that he would tell them about her when they were basically engaged. After about four and a half years, that happened earlier this year and they won't speak to her and don't want to meet her, so far.
Don't rush into it. You barely know her, don't be too hasty to commit to 'this is forever'. As phunniemee says, don't make it about 'this one girl', because then if you break up you'll seem to have lost everything you argued for. Don't put too much pressure on her to meet your parents, or allow her to try and make you move faster.
If this really is forever, she can afford to wait another year for them to know about her.
Don't allow 'being in a relationship' to substitute for all the other aspects of growing up that you've asked about like getting a job, setting boundaries with your parents, graduating, etc. I think it's probably OK for him to come and go when he pleases.HOW TO DEAL WITH STRICT INDIAN PARENTS? MY PARENTS ARE SO STRICT! #strictindianparents
I mean, the interracial relationship thing, that's a much bigger kettle of fish and OP needs to find his own way to deal. But no, I don't think it's wrong or rash or ungrateful to start standing up to them a little bit. I've gone through what you're going through, and my advice is not to tell them. The things like "not letting me go out" are hard to explain to people not raised by strict Indian parents, but I understand how it's difficult for you, especially living at home, which I luckily didn't have to contend with.
I also had the older cousin who married a white girl and whose marriage ended badly and all my other cousins who married brown people happened to work out swimmingly so I've heard what your dad has been saying thousands of times. I happened to have dated almost all white girls in my 20s - I was inexperienced and needed to figure out how to be in relationships, so the simple odds are that you'll meet white girls much more often than others.
My first girlfriend I dated for about months before telling my parents - I think once you reach that stage you should consider gently opening up to them starting with the old line about "friends" or "colleagues"but mainly if you think this is going to turn into a serious relationship and hopefully only after you're out of the house.
For me, I rarely told them about who I was dating until it was definitely a serious relationship. For them, I think they kinda figured it would be something I would grow out of.
And to some extent, I did change my perspective in my 30s and wanted more of a cultural connection. But, when you're young and want to date people you should date who you want and try to learn about yourself and what you are really looking for. No need to rush this. We don't know you or your parents.
Are your parents manipulative? Do your parents usually get their way? When disagreements have broken out with other family members before, is there a long, sustained campaign against that particular family member?
Remember, these are the people that raised you. If your parents fight as dirty as mine, they will exploit any psychological or emotional vulnerabilities against you. And not only you. If going after your girlfriend will yield results, they may do that too. If you're close to a cousin or brother or uncle, they may use them to try to get to you too. It's not like the movies, and it might take a long time. Here's a few general things you can do to prepare yourself: Move out of your parents' house, out of their city is even better Very important Make friends that support you, preferably ones that aren't connected to your family at all Have a space away from your family and their home that you can escape to easily Have your own money to spend this only applies if you aren't currently working Possibly look into therapy to have someone to talk to, a family therapist is especially used to handling this sort of thing posted by FJT at 6: I read 'one more year of school left' and assumed, like, sixteen.
Another poster assumed around twenty. It's just one of those things. I really, really do not think you should tell your parents though I think this question is very specific to an immigrant experience. I am Chinese-American, and my parents luckily did not especially care what race my boyfriends were although they probably would have been pleased if he had also been Chinese-American, no liebut they definitely had certain expectations about my behavior that are hard to explain to people outside.
I think you should approach this as a tactician. Is the amount of trouble you are going to stir up worth whatever change in expectations you hope to achieve?
What, specifically, do you hope to gain out of this? For many years I kept huge chunks of my personal life intentionally vague to my parents, and I think this was, for me, hugely beneficial.
I think I learned to be tactful about certain things, and got better at ignoring others. I learned to change my expectations, knowing that my parents were who they were. I will say that moving out greatly improved my relationship with them. When you see each other less often, when you don't feel the daily sense of obligation or guilt-tripping or accusations of cultural betrayal or whatever they heap upon you, it gets better.
I feel like I relate to my parents as another adult now, because I am more mature and have gained considerable perspective, and it is frankly the best our relationship has ever been. But that took time and distance I suspect it might be the case for you as well. In that case, I agree with Sara C. At 23, you're way waaaay too old to let your parents dictate your dating life. Seriously, people get married at that age. If you don't stand up to them now, this seems likely to turn into a lifetime of them calling the shots.
If I were you, I would be doing everything in my power to move out and live with friends for the last year of school. You've been legally an adult for 5 years. It's the only way I got to live a normal, adult-appropriate life.
I know that, in your case, there are underlying cultural issues that I don't know much about, so I'll leave it at that. But you're not abiding by their rules, you're lying to them. Move out if you can. If you can't, come clean if it won't impact your tuition, and take out a loan to cover your living costs if you need to.
The risk is that the parents will call the bluff and say sure, go ahead and leave. This is why, if he thinks it's at all likely for the parents to respond this way, he should not start openly rebelling unless he's not actually bluffing about leaving and paying his own tuition. Can't speak for anyone else, but I didn't mean that.
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On the contrary, I think it's impossible to 'make' anyone agree to anything. I think that 23 is too old to be living under your parents' roof, accepting their financial support, and lying to them.
If I were the OP, I would either find a way to move out and support myself for the final year go part-time and work part-time, if I had toor cut back on seeing the girlfriend because yeah, no parent is going to believe you're sleeping at a platonic friend's house 4 nights every week. At the moment, he's running into trouble because he's having his cake and eating it. Trust me, I can see the attraction, but something's gotta give.
In India many parents still help arrange their adult children's marriages. When the OP says his parents "won't let" him go out at night, that is not because they are manipulative or he is not mature. It's a cultural difference. A lot of people will be there and I'll be home by xxx.
I'll text you when I get there. I'll be sure to be careful, xxx is driving. If you have to bring them by, go for it. Play video games, ask if they can come over for dinner, etc. If you're parents are comfortable with your choice in friends, they'll be less likely to say no.
If you give up, you'll always regret watching your life pass without you doing anything about it.
What It's Like to Date with Strict Indian Parents
Source Be Patient and Keep Trying I can't stress how important it is to keep trying and pushing your boundaries. Depending on how overprotective and how hard it is for you to get your parents to agree to let you have your way, the longer it'll take to get them used to the idea.
One of the things my mom always complained about it that I was "given a little freedom and then I took advantage of it. But realistically, this made it harder to get her used to the idea of me going out.