Ask a Guy: We’re Dating, But He Still Checks negeriku.info
If the person you're dating reveals that they still have an active online It's actually really common to leave a dating profile live on a site or app. Did you confront/question your partner about their recent activity on the site or feel you SHOULD continue to date other people because they were still active? . me and the next time he came over he asked me if i wanted to be his gf then a . When a man leaves his online dating profile active, what does it mean? I met him through an online dating site six months ago. . some understanding on a difference between exclusive and girlfriend/boyfriend, isn't he still.
So, guys in particular, what's the deal? Is it a harmless ego boost? Is he trying to get something going with someone else? Even if it is just flirting it is not acceptable to me if our relationship is going to progress, and I will tell him that. But right now I just need to hear some outside opinions on the situation. I am in my early gasp! Seriously--the number of people I know who surf Match and Craigslist just to see the funny stuff people write about themselves is unbelievably high myself included.
What I like better, is frequent "where are we" type talks, and going ahead and asking what someone's time-table for going exclusive is. That, plus a definition of what exclusive entails, has seemed to work well. Non-confrontational communications, early, open, and often, is my motto. Maybe he clicks those links and that makes him "active"?
We both still browse the listings every once in a while just to see what's going on and check on the familiar faces. We are definitely not getting on there and flirting with other folks or doing anything shady. We both spent a lot of time on there before we met and like to go back and see what's going on Similar to what NotMyselfRightNow said, there's a lot of humor and even morbid curiosity involved.
I surf the CL listings for entertainment, but I'd never consider responding to any. I know you care about him. But even the fact that one month into dating you consider him Mr.
Right says you're moving too fast. I honestly think, most of us, in the human condition, go too fast in relationships. We don't get to 'know" the other person. I consider this a reason that the divorce rate is so high. If the relationship you're in with him is right, he'll look at match less and less It might just be that he spent the money and has trouble going as fast as you are.
Maybe he's chatitng with someone You're not married yet. I know you're struggling with trust issues. Wrong and possibly other men have made it tough.
But at a month, he isn't Mr. You seem to be a bit in a rush to get to the altar and this might scare some folks off. Try to lighten up a little bit. Just a guess, but I have a feeling his definition of looking for a LTR" is a lot more "carefree" than yours. After about 3 answers and a half hour, the best answer was identified.
At some point you should bring it up in a non accusatory way, but maybe see if, as filmgeek said, he starts looking less of his own accord. Give him time to come around, but for now, he's clearly not as invested in it as you are, and you should hold back a little.
Don't confront him, don't distance yourself, just don't let yourself go into imminent-marriage mode.
And for those of you who are saying maybe he's just checking out profiles for laughs, perhaps you missed this: We've all done it before. If you hadn't set up a dummy account, so would you. He may be looking out of curiosity. He may have received messages and wanted to read them. It's also quite possible that he's still trying to meet people.
I'd suggest talking with him about becoming 'exclusive'. You might think it's implied, but that will hopefully flush out his intentions. I would not mention that you've seen him on Match. Wrong who dismissed the behavior as harmless flirting - she hasn't discussed it with Mr. Terra, you are trying to talk yourself out of being upset with behavior that is clearly upsetting to you.
I assure you that someone who gave a shit would either tell you up front he's still going to Match for whatever reason - because unless he's stupid he knows that information is available - maybe just schadenfreude-trolling, whatever, or he wouldn't go at all.
In my own experience with online dating, and with other people I know who've done it, that's a pretty standard convention, because pretty much all the sites display "freshness" so you don't bother contacting somebody who hasn't logged in for three years.
You are over-invested, and it seems like that might be a reaction to his lack of investment. It's hard, when you start seeing and sleeping with someone you like, and he's not really giving back what you put in. You want to rearrange the world so he acts like you want him to act, but that doesn't work and you're compromising your own comfort or boundaries. And you cannot have a successful relationship when you are doing that to yourself. So, you can talk to him, but I think the gong has gonged already.
He could be actively trolling for booty. He might be taking a rubbernecker's joy at observing the human wreckage. He may have simply forgotten to delete or hide his profile, and received a message that he wanted to respond to by saying "thanks, but I'm in an LTR and forgot to delete my profile.
Eventually I did hide my profile, after I did receive a message from someone. Right to me, and you should probably stop calling him that. Have you made it known you want the relationship to be exclusive? Because in my opinion, I don't think that any man should still be using dating sites for "an ego boost" if he has a woman right in front of him.
Red flags all around. Wrong who dismissed it as harmless flirthing. Unless I misunderstand something, she hasn't brought this up with the new fella yet. I don't think this is anything to worry about. You're only 1 month in and you seem not to have had any sort of talk about where you stand wrt each other and the future and if you haven't had the exclusivity conversation, he has no responsibility to assume you are exclusive and nor do you.
If he seems like he likes you, he probably does. You've been seeing him three weeks. Things were just so Or so it seemed to me -- but was it mutual? I waited another couple of weeks to speak to him about it -- I wanted to sift through my own anxiety and let it settle. Ultimately, the conversation came up pretty organically -- I was not comfortable with sex outside an exclusive relationship, so when it came time to discuss such matters, I also discussed the fact that I'd pulled down my profile.
He said he hadn't seen anyone else since our first date so, my anxiety was for naught! So, if you need a plausible reason to recite to yourself for why this gentleman is still active on OKC, there's one for you to mull.
Now, I didn't then ask him to shut down his profile, but I did say it bothered me a bit. A day or two later because he didn't like bothering me, I presume -- he's that kind of gentlemanhe closed his account. If this thing between you is mutual, you're not going to scare him off by admitting that you're developing feelings and want to give exclusivity a shot. And since you're sleeping with him, it's also not just an emotional issue, it could certainly be considered a health issue.
7 dates. She still checks her online dating profile
But you know what? If that's the case, it's really important information for you to know. That aside, if he's enthusiastic and at all serious about where things might go, he'll have no problem with the conversation.
You should keep looking and dating until you guys mutually agree on an exclusive relationship. Don't expect anything until then.
I did the mistake of leaving it up and so did my boyfriend at the time. We were mutually logged in once and we discovered each other and it caused all sorts of hurtful feelings. He deleted his, but I simply forgot and once he asked me about it and I said, yes it is still up. It was uncomfortable, but we deleted it together.
If I could do it over again, I'd like to do it together as our own little event to remember. You are not exclusive, so he's using it. You don't want him to use it? It's really that simple. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want because of some perceived rule or timeline. I've been dating a guy for three weeks now and am very happy. It has not occurred to me to take down my profile, not because I'm looking for something else, but because it feels like I'd be getting ahead of myself.
I'm enjoying taking the emotional part of this slowly. The early part of dating is often some weird Rosetta Stone experience where you try to translate someone else's actions into what you think they actually mean - the more you can avoid this and just talk directly about your own actions and experiences, the easier it is.
girlfriend still on dating site - negeriku.info Community Forums
That said, even if married until death do us part I doubt I'd actually delete my OKcupid profile, I'd just stop using it for dating purposes, mark it as not available to reduce unwanted emails related to dating, and leave it there for occasional access to the other toys and tools on that site.
Worth noting that at times I've kept a dating profile on dating sites here and there sans pictures and intention to go on dates just because it's interesting to explore how people represent themselves, so profile does not necessary equal actively looking and no profile doesn't necessarily equal not actively looking. I would just take him at his word that he's not seeing other people and see where it goes.
I think a lot of people also forget about the profile or have other reasons for keeping it up that have been mentioned. It seems like you guys have almost-but-not-quite had that conversation If you want exclusivity, you should have a conversation specifically about expectations for the future - but please don't bring up that you've been checking out his online profiles, it comes off as pretty creepy even though everyone does it.
No, I don't think 3 weeks is too soon for exclusivity, but it depends on the relationship. I've dated people casually for 6 months where there was never an expectation of exclusivity from either side, and I've also had an "I love you and don't want to date anyone else" conversation after, like, a week which led to a 3 year monogamous relationship.
Depends on the particular relationship and where both people are at. In some cases, this could cause what he saw as a healthy, budding relationship to end abruptly. I even had one reader who had gave the man a hard time the day after their first date when his profile was still up.
I have been dating a man I met on Match. We have a great time together and he calls every night to chat or say goodnight. I am really interested in him and I get the feeling that he feels the same way. My issue comes with him still having his profile up, and with my curiosity getting the best of me, I check almost everyday just to see when he last logged on — seems to be every few days or so.
Why is he still going to negeriku.info? - onlinedating relationships chemistry | Ask MetaFilter
I have read what you have written on this subject and I know you said that men are slower to remove their profiles than woman — so my question is how long is reasonable to wait for him to do this before you say something or begin to feel offended by it? His response actually makes me wonder if he even realizes that he could hide his profile. Silly logic aside, I would ask any reader who has this issue the same thing I asked the woman who contacted me: Until the conversation happens, I would say it is fair for a guy to keep his profile up.
Perhaps not nice or courteous but not unfair either. If you have agreed to be exclusive, things are easy: Where does he see this relationship going, exactly? As I discussed above, I would recommend against being aggressive or angry.