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I have a theory about white women and black men, and it goes a little something like this. However, once their curiosity is satisfied, their long-term behavior is probably less likely to be racially motivated. And I realize there are always exceptions. One can probably say the same thing about gay black men who date white men.
Again, this is not a blanket theory. I once presented this idea to a friend a white guy who dates black men exclusivelyand he had an intriguing response. He said it probably has to do with the male emphasis on the physical. Men are driven primarily by physical attraction when choosing a partner, while with women, other factors can play just as vital a role. I knew the woman I was talking to probably never would have been having this conversation with a white person.
Clearly I was first and foremost a black man to her… a gay black man.Should black women give up on black men?
But this was not a pick-up, so I let her continue. She started to tell me about the guy she lost her virginity to 20 years earlier. He was black, and they remained great friends.
Now here is where our interaction started to venture off the rails. She pulled out her phone and began clicking through photos. She wanted me to see him.
I'm a black woman. He's a white guy with a pickup truck. Here's what happened
Once she found the photo she was looking for, she was on a roll. She showed me a succession of recent pictures of her thenish first-timer posing outside shirtless because, well, why not?
She looked at me expectantly. Clearly she wanted to know what I thought… or more accurately, she wanted my approval… or my respect… or something. Maybe she wanted me to know that she had done well. Not only did she love black men, but she could pull in the cream of the chocolate crop, one who had barely aged. For that reason, I started getting nervous about this guy. What if I were part of some Dixieland fantasy of his? After we were seated I asked him how many black girls he'd dated.
We continued dating, and soon we were exclusive. This didn't come without challenges. Whenever we went somewhere with a lot of black people in attendance, I got the side eye from some of them. My dating outside the race was seen as a betrayal. Their thought bubble hovered, clear as day: Another time, my boyfriend got a call from his ex-girlfriend. Word had spread through the Caucasian grapevine.
I was working on a sitcom at the time. When I told the writers on the show I was dating a white guy from the South who drove a pickup truck, I could tell they were skeptical. The kicker was when we went to the wedding of one of his friends in Cape Girardeau, Mo.
I'm not exaggerating when I say white people stared at us as we walked down the street. Race is a thing. The more serious the relationship got, the more I started thinking about kids.
If we had them, they would be "multiethnic" or "biracial" or "mixed heritage. But I was getting ahead of myself, right? Was I in this or not? Was I ready to be committed to a guy whose family owned shotguns and went to the Waffle House? My parents were both college professors. His parents hadn't gone to college.
My parents were Baha'is who didn't celebrate Christmas. His dad played Santa Claus in various malls below the Mason-Dixon line during the yuletide season. My boyfriend listened to emo rock, for God's sake! This was bound to be a disaster. But I didn't break up with him.
I'm a black woman. He's a white guy with a pickup truck. Here's what happened - Los Angeles Times
I grew to love him more. I loved that he shared a house off Sunset with a gay, Pakistani performance artist. I loved that he'd had the same Rottweiler for a pet since high school. I loved that he was a plaintiff's attorney, helping clients who'd been discriminated against in the workplace.
White Women, Black Men – P.S. I Love You
I didn't love his pickup truck — it was cramped and always had dog hair on the seat. But no relationship's perfect. Fourteen years and two kids later, race is still a thing, in a growing list of things, that defines us. Affairs chronicles the current dating scene in and around Los Angeles.