Transgender Woman’s Guide to Dating | StyleCaster
As a teen with an FtM (female to male transgender) writes, "I just to men, dating someone who is FTM doesn't mean that you are a lesbian. Even trans women who “pass,” or who are read as cisgender (meaning, they are assumed to have been assigned female at birth), are. "Dating is tough for everyone, but dating as a transgender woman is even harder. you for the entire person you are, not one aspect that helps to define you.
You might be a gay man who thinks that you are attracted to effeminate men. You might be dating someone who dresses and presents as female but who is deeply involved in the gay or queer community, and you might be dating a trans woman. On the other side of the spectrum, you might be across the aisle on a dating app. You might be swiping and find someone you really like, an attractive woman with curly black hair and a great figure, clear skin, hips, a full figure, and great fashion sense. Someone who is always out on dates and is very selective about the kind of man she dates, someone who is considered high value in our heteronormative, body positive culture.
You meet up for coffee, go out for a drink, go out to dinner, come home, and make it all the way to home plate — and you might be dating a trans woman. She might tell you she is trans, or she might never let you know. You may find out by accident, or you might never know.
You might be a queer, cis lesbian at a pride festival, and you might meet up with a good looking woman, who is butch and presents as a dyke.
You might get to talking and pretty quickly read that she is trans. Contrary to a lot of ideas about what trans mean, she might be a trans lesbian. You might be an open minded lesbian who has been around the conversations happening in the queer community, and you might be open to dating a trans woman who self identifies as a lesbian.
You might be a trans woman in a community of poly, neurodivergent, gender non-conforming, gender non-binary, pansexual folks who think being trans is old-fashioned because it is part of the gender binary. And you might still be interested in dating and might need to have your mind expanded as a trans person by the next thing in gender and sexuality.
These are all experiences that you might have if you want to date a trans woman, and these are some of the many different kinds of trans women there are. Some of us have been across the entire spectrum of these experiences, from living lives where we were read as men and in an old-fashioned narrative felt like we were in the wrong body to living a life where we are trans and think we have done everything we are supposed to do to transition.
We have had our surgeries, taken hormones, changed all of our identity documents. We have been living deeply stealth in the suburbs with our cats and loving partner, living a boring, ordinary life — only to find that we are old-fashioned and out of date by the standards of the new generation of gender non-conforming, gender queer, pansexual, poly folks who are busy deconstructing everything from race to body positivity to challenging neurotypical assumptions of identity.
So here are some of the things you might want to know about dating a trans woman that might also help you if you are dating anyone who has a body. Transgender women love to have orgasms, and contrary to popular opinion, trans women have amazing orgasms that would blow your mind if you had one.
And they have all kinds of orgasms. A trans woman can have an orgasm with a penis that is just fantastic, or she might have an orgasm getting anal through her prostate. A trans woman post op might have an orgasm with her clit, or she might have one deep in her g-spot just like a cis woman. Just like any woman, it might take her a little longer to get off then it will take you, especially if you are a cisgender man.
But give her some time to get to where she is going. The reason I say this first off in dating advice is because I know we all want to get there. That magic that comes from getting off is the juice that makes the magic, it is the electricity in the machine, and it is the high we all crave, that fantastic orgasm.
And trans women want the same thing. It might be a little embarrassing for some trans women to have a penis, but it is just as unembarrassing for a lot of trans women to have a penis. Lots and lots of trans women have penises or penes if you want the proper English usage to indicate multiple penises.
I know so many trans women who are either pre-op or non op that look better than you ever will and will get any man they want. But for a lot of trans women, we have felt or do feel embarrassed about that because we feel or have felt that it is the one and only signifier of gender identity that really matters.
Save us all some trouble. Having a penis is a big deal for some people.
For a trans woman, it can be great to have a penis because there are so many men who are into beautiful women who have a penis but are also women in every sense of the word. If that is the kind of woman you are into, then more power to you. I have a list of trans women who would love to date you. Getting over the fact that a woman has a penis can be a huge barrier for a lot of people.
For trans women, it can be a real source of danger and harm, and that is why I would always recommend disclosure. This is not only disclosure of your body parts, but also just disclosure of gender identity generally. I always think that safety is the most important thing for any trans woman.
Far too many of us die or are hurt every year because we are transgender. I think that just like the way we step out of the road to avoid getting hit by a car, we know that there are always going to bashers and haters out there and the best way to avoid them is just to let them know from the start who and what we are. It is great to live in stealth if you can, and I know that is an old fashioned word.
Dating and Safety Culture for Trans Women or How I Learned to Let a Trans Woman Blow My Mind
But most of the world still lives by the gender binary, and so it is better to disclose in a world of heternormativity than to end up in the hospital — or worse yet, in the morgue. Sex is in the brain. That is the most important thing to know about a trans woman. Everything that she does, everything that we do, is about life and joy and pleasure. What a transgender person has to offer you in terms of sex and dating is the same thing that any woman can offer you.
But she is also going to challenge your ideas. However, if she does, that is good for you. Because part of being trans is about deconstructing heternormativity and gender. Our bodies are all about pleasure, from the way we love and bond to how we cum.
It is all about pleasure and joy, and when we date and have sex and make love, we want the same thing, any body and any person. There are different kinds of outcomes of love and pleasure. The most important outcome is that we can have experiences that change our lives, filling us with magic and joy and appreciation for life and all its wonders.
It is a height that comes from an unrelenting and undaunted pursuit of freedom and justice. Trans women shine out, like a beacon of this freedom and justice, over the forces that seek to see them bent or broken.
How to Identify Trans Women
After all, there are some — not many, but some — statuesque cis women. For example, you might take a moment to look at the legs of the women around you. Trans women have incredibly long legs. Some say this is due to the effects of testosterone. However, those who have been around for a while know that this is not the case. The truth is that trans women have powerful, muscular legs because they carry with them a near immeasurable amount of self-confidence every day — self-confidence that would weigh your average cis woman down.
The legs of trans women are not all harsh angles and strength. They are supple, and smooth, and graceful.
The Transgender Woman’s Field Guide to Dating
Shoulders But of course, these sorts of powerful, beautiful legs are not entirely unique to trans women. Trans women have broad, elegant shoulders. You know those power-shoulders women often talk about wanting? Backs, which I must say, are likely to be straight, and which are rarely hunched over. Face Again, these traits can often be found in some lucky cisgender women as well, so after looking at shoulders, you must move on to looking at the faces of the women around you.
The faces of trans women are often different from their cis peers in a variety of ways. For example, trans and cis chins are often different. The chins of trans women are usually slightly larger than those of cis women.
This is no accident. When trans women raise their chins up slightly, they want to be sure that the gesture thoroughly conveys the sense of personal pride that they have.