Tell Me About Yourself - Date Maven
Learn how to talk about yourself on a date and put your best foot What you say and how you say it gives your date a peek into your psyche. Get some important tips on how to write a dating profile that includes yourself and your dreams right away, so I've put some tips together to. Is this answer still relevant and up to date? . Especially with the dreaded "Tell me something about yourself" My inner thought is along the lines negeriku.info does.
The way you sit, the way you talk, your eye contact, the way you interact with your date, with strangers, with everybody. Remember, your Ideal Self is somebody who already has everything you could want. When you already have everything you want, what sort of thoughts do you have? What are you looking to get from this date? Is this Ideal Self worried about saying the wrong thing? Is he bombarding her with questions trying to learn every detail of her life? Is he talking about himself, hoping he sounds cool and impressive?
Or are his thoughts and actions a bit more relaxed, a bit more playful? Does he care about getting this girl to like him, or is he just out to have a good time and share it with this lovely lady? Close your eyes and take a few minutes and really see how the date would go through this new perspective.
Why ‘Just Be Yourself’ Is The Worst Dating Advice You Could Follow
A fun way to make this new sense of self even stronger is to go back and run through a previous date the same way. Look at the areas you may have slipped up in the past. The funny joke you wish you made, the awkward silence you could have handled better, etc.
This creates a huge downward spiral -- when it doesn't work, we try harder still to keep ourselves in order, which makes us even more self-conscious, self-absorbed and awkward.
Every time someone tells us to "just be ourselves," we will try it all over again -- and fail, because that's simply not how the mind works. If you find yourself in this spiral, acknowledge it and accept that you are nervous and that that's not something you can or should "fix.
In fact, the more OK you are with being nervous, the less nervous you will feel. But if you try to fight it, it will get worse. It keeps you stuck. When a friend tells you to "just be yourself," they probably don't know what you are like on a date. Even if you are the most awesome, relaxed, charming, smart and funny version of yourself with your friends, maybe that's not how you are on a date!
When we get nervous, self-conscious or afraid of being hurt dating is a vulnerable thing! This includes self-sabotaging patterns like becoming uncharmingly cocky, holding ourselves back in a way we never would with friends or putting on a mask and trying to be liked instead of focusing on finding out if we like the other person. This is not our authentic self; it's based on fear-based strategies to protect the heart.
If "being yourself" includes self-sabotaging strategies like these, the advice to "just be yourself" will keep these patterns in place instead of helping you to break free from them.
Dating Advice For Men (That Needs To Stop) Part 1: Just Be Yourself
Become aware of the strategies you use to "protect" yourself when you get nervous or fearful -- and the consequences that they have hint: Find one small thing that you can do on your next date to start the process of slowly breaking the pattern.
Choose something that makes you feel challenged but not scared, practice it and see the difference. It's a lot to ask! But let's assume that you do -- it's still a vulnerable thing to show yourself to the world. Especially to someone you just met, who you like and who has the power to hurt or reject you. To be fair, "just being yourself" is actually something that works really well -- but for someone who's struggling with it, just telling them to do it won't help.
It's like telling someone at the gym to "just be strong" instead of giving them a workout plan. It won't help them. Give yourself time and space to figure out who you are, and then, step by step, start to share it with others. Maybe for you it's about expressing your opinions more clearly, or your emotions. I am sure there is more to you than what you are currently showing to the world.